Psychologist, Dr. Judith S. Wallerstein, co-author of The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts, identified nine "psychological tasks" as the pillars on which any marital relationship rests:  

  1) Separate emotionally from one's childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and, at the same time, to redefine the lines of connection with both families of origin.

  2) Build togetherness based on mutual identification, shared intimacy and an expanded conscience that includes both partners, while at the same time setting boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

  3) Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and to protect it from the incursions of the workplace and family obligations; it is the second part of this task which must not be overlooked or taken for granted.

  4. (For couples with children) Embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of Her Majesty the Baby's dramatic entrance into the marriage. At the same time the couple must continue the work of protecting their own privacy.

  5. Confront and master the inevitable crises of life and maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity and create a safe haven within the marriage for the expression of difference, anger and conflict.

  6. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

  7. Provide nurturance and comfort to each other, satisfying each partner's need for dependency and offer continuing encouragement and support.

  8. Keep alive the romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

  9. Ask for help from a licensed professional when you       need perspective.